another turn around the sun
May Birthday Musings…
Each year on my birthday, I hold a prayer or intention for myself, harnessing an energy for the coming year. During this past solar rotation, I’ve received some massive and subtle shifts. I’ve attained unexpected clarity around what’s for me and what needs shedding. And, I’ve been loving every second of it.
One intention poured out of me about my wishes for the year ahead:
Holding myself with deep loving responsibility so I can be genuinely loving, kind, healthful, and expansive from the inside out.
I immediately paused and recognized friction in my system around the word “responsibility” and how I have been conditioned to interpret it as “shoulds” and pressure to conform. This conditioning doesn’t serve the meaning I am trying to evoke. I’m not available for the type of responsibility that aims to stifle and control me.
Language crafts consciousness.
The words we use matter.
So, I wondered,
‘What else am I a NO to defining as “responsibility” within my being?’ and I created a list:
Punishment or restriction as a form of love (pushing myself or body beyond my capacity or holding myself back from things that genuinely nourish me)
Grind or hustle mentality and the constant need to “scale and grow”
Stories that support shutting down my voice for the ease of others
Illusions of control or perfection as a way to move through this world
Which begs the question, what am I a YES to?:
Loving nourishment: mental, spiritual, and physical
Nature connection
REST
Moving with the cycles, rhythms, and seasons of life and my body
Remembering compassion, creativity, and curiosity for my human
I stopped and reviewed what I had written. There it was, gleaming at me: a clear validation and further continuation of re-writing the capitalistic, hyper-individualistic notions that have kept me separated from myself, from nature, and from connection. I saw a call to embrace more embodied feminine systems that honor natural seasons and rhythms so I can honor my body, spirit, growth, and being while crafting the world I desire to live in and be a part of. This, in order to be in right relationship with nature, my body, and the loving human consciousness that shapes my existence, was my calling for the coming year.
And if that isn’t a beautiful intention to gift oneself, I don’t know what is.
Here are a few snippets of joy from my birthday month.
